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Where Sarah answers your most intimate questions where everyone can see them.

 



You Asked:

Email:jplambde@lakheadu.ca
Why are you so funny?October 27, 2005 02:13:43 (GMT Time)

Sarah Answered:

Well Jenny, humour is a strictly individual thing.  What one person finds funny another might not.  You found me funny which means that we probably have a similar sense of humour.  A dry wit, if you will.  Other people might look at this site and think "man, that's the stupidest shit I've ever read." That is perfectly valid as well because this site does little except provide a purposeful distraction to doing what I should be doing which is anything but wasting not-so-valuable internet space.  Thank you for taking the time to come here and make it all worthwhile.

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You asked:
Email: toni63@msn.com
Comments: I have this freind and she always comes to me with problems with her freinds. I usually hang out with other freinds so she hangs out with these people that she always has problems with. It annoys me how much asks me to help her. What should I do?
November 4, 2004 22:11:36 (GMT Time)

Sarah Answered:
Obviously your friend is either a)unsatisfied with her current situation or b) a complainer. It's your job to figure out which. Sometimes people find a topic in which they can easily make conversation and stick with it. So if you've feigned interest in her problems before, you've essentially given her permission to talk about it again.
If you want the girl to just shut up you've got a couple of choices:
a) next time she complains kick her in the box and say "now you've got something to really complain about".
b) change the subject every time she brings up her other friends
c)say "wow I hope you don't complain about me like that!"
d)record your conversations and play it back to her other friends
Now the key point here is you want to let her know you don't appreciate being a sounding board for her complaining. Remember complaining begets complaining so if you want to be really effective, make sure you don't complain to her either.


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You asked:
Name: Seeking advice
Email: smellslikeburning@uberdank.com
Comments: Ok.. i realize you once lived atop a building and had little to do except tend to some reptiles, hit the cheeba, and spy on others with your monocular. Strangely, (asside from the reptiles) I find myself in a similar predicament. I was hoping you could coach me through these strange times.
October 2, 2002 20:26:46 (GMT Time)
Sarah Answered>
Despite what it may look to other people, I did have more things to do during the time i lived a top a building. The key is get a hobby. If that doesn't fill up your time, get another. Here's a list of things i did besides tend to my reptiles, smoke the razzle dazzle and spy on people with my monocular.
1) Design a website, if that doesn't take up enough time make several... i have 5 all interconnected.
2) Take better care of my plants.... especially my rubber plant.
3) YoYo... the best toy on the face of the earth, learn to do tricks.
4) Build things, make a lot of noise during the day when people are gone... buy yourself a ratchet set.
5) Puzzels, the bigger the better....
6) Dress like a fool and go to the pub... make a day trip and go to value village.
7) Get sick. Nothing like vomitting to incapacitate you.
8) get some more hobbies... the more the better...

Hope this helps you out my lonely friend.

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You asked:

Name: John Jackson
Email:
Comments: As a girl, what would be the most amazing Christmas present you could possibly get from a guy? A gift that says, "You rock my world sugartits". A gift that is romantic yet not gay. I was thinking a nice ratchet set. They're on sale at Crappy Tire. What do you think?
September 18, 2002 00:57:25 (GMT Time)
Sarah Answered:
While a ratchet set is a fine gift, most girls wouldn't know what to do with a ratchet. I too got a ratchet set for christmas last year. Like I said a fine set of tools, however, unless i own a car and have the knowledge and desire to fix it... my uses for a ratchet set are limited. A monkey wrench would be just as useful and likely a lot less money.

A better gift would be something more multi purpose, like a Dremel rotary tool... With all those attachments she's bound to find some use for it. Failing that, what girl wouldn't want a gift certificate to get a pedicure, or a day at the spa.... a cheaper alternative is go give her a massage... a massage could also be of benefit to you as well (once you oil her up)


You asked:

Name: Oscar
Email:
Comments: Dear Sarah, I hope you can help! I'm in hell. I'm being dominated by my mother.. she keeps me locked up in a little box all day and walks around the house is her underpants wearing funny glasses with no lenses! I'm so upset I can't eat. What do you suggest?
April 20, 2002 03:07:10 (GMT Time)

Sarah Answered:

You really can't deny the fact that you love it. Hell, if it weren't for her you'd probably be on the street somewhere begging for table scraps. What I'm saying is, despite how things look now Oscar, things could be worse, you could be back in the wild dodging large birds, and baking in the hot Australian Outback. Stop Complaining and eat your large meal of bugs and lettuce!

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You asked: Name: Raul C. Santos
Email: raulcalderonsantos@hotmail.com
Comments: Hi, 35 year old guy here in the Philippines. I'm dreamin of working and migrating in Canada. Please advise
March 12, 2002 07:40:44 (GMT Time)

Sarah Answered:

Hi Paul, I don't blame you for wanting to live in such a beautiful country such as this. My advice to you is talk to someone who know's about stuff like that. Maybe someone other than some chick who's got her own website designed purely to waste time. If you can't figure out that I probably don't know anything about immigration in Canada, despite the fact that I live in it's biggest city, maybe you'd better stay in the philipines. We've got enough stupid people living in this beautiful country as it is.

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You Asked:
Email: Touchmedirtylike@mmmm.yah
Comments: YOu're a girl right? What's the easiet way to convince a girl to come home with you? I'm got the tentacles... I like the octopussy..
November 4, 2001 07:04:43 (GMT Time)
Sarah Answered:
Well, this is a sticky situation. The Trick is to get the girl to see beyond the obvious (the tentacles) and get to know the real you. However, if the real you is pretty lame too, well, you are out to lunch. My only suggestion is to find a blind chick, get her drunk and use your tentacles to bring her to previously unthinkable bliss.

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You asked:

Name: sadie l morris
Email: sadielmorris@excite.com
Comments: Sarah, i keep hearing about the 1 800 game.... what exactly is that and is it the coolest thing in the world to do?
March 24, 2001 07:39:26 (GMT Time)

Sarah Answered:
So you've heard about the 1 800 game. It is indeed one of the most exciting games you can play. It is rather easy.

Step 1) Get drunk, really Drunk.
Step 2) Get high, really High (optional)
Step 3) Find a Pay phone
Step 4) press 1 800
Step 5) continue by pressing a random 7 digit number,
Step 6) repeat Steps 3 to 5 as desired

The 1 800 game can provide hours upon hours of fun filled entertainment. It is also a fun way to wait for friends who need to get money from the bankmachine when you just want to get to the pub.
The idea is that eventually while tapping the 1 800 numbers you will find one that will bring you to someone you can talk to, or better an Automated dating service, or answering machine. In the past people playing the 1 800 game have signed others into mailing clubs, ordered free samples, even left curious messages on random answering machines.


WARNING: Do not attempt sober
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You asked:
Name: Sasquatch!
Email: dunklej@home.com
Comments: So, do you take it up the ass. I heard you are a slut, is that true?
March 13, 2001 05:02:17 (GMT Time)

Sarah Answered:
No, I do not take it up the ass. That's painful. God only made that hole and OUT hole for a reason... It's not made to have thing put in it. As for me being a slut... I don't know... I haven't had Sex in what seems like forever. If I were a slut, I would prefer to get some more often. So No, Unfortunatly I am not a slut.... I'm not that lucky.
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You asked:
Email: white_devil_in_japan@yahoo.com
Comments: Sarah, I seem to have amazing dexterity when in bed. My sexual horoscope says I am a master of clitoral stimulation. Because of this, my services are requested day in a day out. How can I get some peace to sleep??
March 13, 2001 04:39:13 (GMT Time)


Sarah Answered:
Well, White Devil... Amazing Dexterity can be a huge problem, and I think it's high time that someone brought it up... Good For YOU!! Personally, a girl gets tired of the same ol' thing hour after hour in bed. A new variety in your routine of constantly being requested for your services is to start preforming cunnilingus on a female, and just as you get her going, fall asleep. Hopefully the girl or girls in question will discover that they can and must get themselves off. Once a girl discovers herself she will no longer need you. She will likely not call you after that (oh yeah, chicks don't dig it when you fall asleep in their crotch)

Or change your number... to a private, unlisted number.

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You asked:

Name: Giggly Gus
Email: giffly@gus.com
Question: Why is it so funny?
March 13, 2001 02:59:46 (GMT Time)

Sarah Answered:
Well Gus, My guess is because you are HIGH, stoned, on the cheeba....Nothing wrong with that, enjoy yourself.

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You asked:

Name: takaito sashimoto
Email: ichiban@nooda.com
Question: Suki desu ga, hune hodo suke zya arimasen-ka
March 13, 2001 03:15:04 (GMT Time)

Sarah Answered:
Go For it! I say take the plunge big boy! you have nothing to lose. You'll never know unless you try! (ps...If you say so....)

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You asked:

Name: Mel
Email: melanie_demore@hotmail.com
Question: how could i be just as hot, funny and a guy magnet as you obviously are?
March 13, 2001 03:23:34 (GMT Time)

Sarah Answered:
Well, it's simple,
1)Get plastic Surgery
2) Learn to laugh at yourself and the world will laugh with you...Otherwise they will laugh at you...
3) Stop being such a bitch! guys are afraid of you!







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